Today I looked into baby Aida’s eyes, and a freight train hit me. I saw this perfect, ageless, endlessly wise, endless love staring from me into me… This momentary dropping of everything. We stared, we smiled… it was pure bliss. So, I guess that’s what people talk about when they say they see perfect innocence in the eyes of children. We all have our moments (of perfect innocence, that is).
So, mmmm… sweet deepness. Bubbling ebullient life-force. Joy and the big empty.
How to blog with this experience…??
I want to talk some about my life here. About my experience, because it’s wonderful. I’m living this deliciously social life, with plenty of perfect time for myself as well. Time to ascend, time to sew and journal and crochet and shave my legs. Something I didn’t think I’d do here, but which I probably do more often than I did in the states. Why? Because when flies land on hairless legs, it tickles a lot less. And the flies here are majorly annoying. A horsefly landed on the wall right next to me a moment ago. It was just chilling, and so was I, and I had this conflict of feeling. Part of me was completely at peace, and happy to be in the presence of another perfect being. Part of me was like, this is a horsefly. They bite. That is bad. Make it go away. So, I did…. What would a perfectly enlightened being do? This question is kind of a joke….
I keep experiencing this beautiful synchronicity in my life. The perfect books have been finding me. Mating, by Norman Rush was first. Then Big Bang, then the collection of Rumi, then “Size 12 is Not Fat” (I know, but there were a few silly little things in it I needed to hear), and most recently “Holy Cow” by Sarah Macdonald. It’s one woman’s experience living and traveling in India, opening herself to the possibility of spiritual awakening in all the different religions found there, and concurrently living a “normal life.” I highly recommend all of these, except maybe Size 12, unless you want some fluff dancing with a touch of truth. The perfection of the world seeming to respond to my needs, presenting itself as a gift to be enjoyed and loved, with the (nearly) constant focus of GOD (is in charge, is the only true, truly important, real—ness, is my true love, is my-self, all that), with the (nearly) constant letting go of what I think my needs or desires might be, it’s pretty mind-blowing and definitely heart expanding.
I want to make these generalizations, to explain that my life here is peaceful and full of love and that I’m happy, cause that’s true. Right now, I have a cold, the flies are pestering my ankles (why do they love my ankles?) I’m sweating. Right now, there is an ocean washing through me. There is endless still peace. There are fears and desires dancing around, then they go. And there’s nothing. Beautiful, sparkling, deep blue, dark, bright, lovely stillness. Thank God for this moment.
But I really do want to tell you all about my life here! I love the women of Niangeen (my “neighborhood,” where everyone is either a Niang by birth or marriage), I love all the children of this village. I love their temper tantrums and their joyful lolling in their mothers laps. I love the way Ndeye Sisse has treated my like family from day one, and the way Ami Sila always has something to say about everything, but when she’s done holds absolutely no grudge about anything. Life is back to “jamm rekk” as soon as the moment passes. I love the way they take care of, tease lovingly, and dote upon the children with mental disabilities. I love the way the men and even boys, love to coddle babies and play with children. I love that when kids get upset they get this look like “Fear my wrath!” then pick up a shoe, hold it in the air, and try to figure out what to do next. I love the way Busa, my new little friend, buries herself in my legs when I walk by, and the other kids tell her to let me keep going, and I tell them that she’s fine, to leave her alone. I love the way everyone looks out for everyone, and the way this system keeps everyone in line: if someone hits their kid hard enough to make a noise, its immediate public censure. All the women stare, scoff disapprovingly, and if necessary, Ami Sila can always get up in somebody’s face. I love the light dusting of tiny growing things that has sprung up where there was just sand and goat poo, all from one good rain a week ago. I love that I got one of the coolest sites in Senegal, and I have electricity! I love that Modou and Ngagne fixed the cracks in my concrete floor for free, because I don’t like the bugs here. I love onion sauce!!
Okay, enough of that. You guys probably get the picture. All is well, I already feel like I’ve changed in ways I can’t explain any better than whatever you can get out of this. Currently getting a big lesson in innocence, for which I am Majorly grateful. Jamm rekk, man.
Meanwhile: Nawet has come. In other words, we’ve had our first big storm. I was actually in Saint-Louis for the event, but it moved in from across the desert and hit here after it blew through there. What an experience, first of all. First there was a blast of violent wind carrying so much sand I thought the world might be ending. Also, it hit at night and knocked out the power, and I was all alone in the apartment. And it blew everything around in the kitchen and on the balconies, so I locked up and crawled into bed with a book and flashlight. The cocoon effect of a mosquito net is no joke. When the rains did hit, it was glorious. Buckets of rain, great rolling thunder and beautiful lighting, the kind that, frankly, is best appreciated without the lights on anyway. So, that means nawet is upon us, even though it’s been a week and it hasn’t rained again yet. Every day I’m hopeful. Because already, my village is changing. The people here are all at work in the fields most of the day getting their peanuts, bissap and beans planted. And everywhere that was sand, is suddenly dusted green with tiny sprouting things. The live fences actually look alive, with new leaves growing from their funny leathery branches. It’s beautiful. Unfortunately, that also means it’s bug season. There are still warawara a-plenty, but now I also fall asleep to the sound of a million mosquitoes trying to get to my blood. It’s like this terrible scream that sometimes makes me feel like I’m losing it. Also, there are now scorpions, beetles with giant pincers that can apparently survive with half of their back-section missing, giant dragon-fly-looking-things that bite, pretty, creepy gecko guys that apparently pee poison, and giant beetles as large as mice that, fortunately, do not bite. Lucked out on that one… Oh and I forgot to mention horse spiders. They’re great. About two inches long, have pincers that look like two scorpion stingers put together, and they’re hella fast. Oh, and they have ten legs. What has ten legs!??!!? Fortunately, being terrifying is all they do. They don’t hurt you (I’ve been told…)
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